???

Back to work…

No, this blog has not been neglected. But after the ridiculously boring summer that inspired me (and gave me time to) start The Extraordinary G, I dove head-first into an foreign culture in hopes of pursuing my passion to travel while giving the finger to the crumbling U.S economy. In the past four months I’ve been baffled, amazed, delighted, and annoyed by the nuances of Korean society. In short, Korea is not for the faint of heart, in any aspect. Until now, I haven’t had the time or the capability to properly articulate my thoughts on my new experience. Also, all three authors have been in a sort of limbo, each one of us waiting for the other two to write a post that will bring back life to the blog. So I guess I can take credit for breaking the silence.

Actually, a few weeks ago I drafted a scathing post about my romantic endeavors (or lack thereof) in Korea. Ensō intrusively read my unfinished draft and called it “brilliant”. And it was arguably my best draft, as it vented my raw emotions at that present time. But immediately after constructing that draft, I made progress, and therefore no longer had the passionate anger needed to finish that post.

Although things have slowed yet again, I am now calm enough to describe and critique the dating scene in Korea without sounding as salty as the Dead Sea. To get to the point, I can describe it in one word: weak.

Weak as hell.

At least from my perspective: an 22-year old American male who’s non religious and socially progressive and liberal. Pretty much describes our default target audience.

What makes the dating scene so weak, one might ask? Well, the very same reason why Korea is so awesome. Korea is a marvel of a country steeped in Confucianism. Confucianism promotes, among many other things, total respect for elders and social harmony. And because Korea has only been industrialized for the past 30 years, most people (in my opinion) still have a very traditional mindset that’s straight out of the agrarian, deeply, deeply Confucian Korea of the past. This mindset is only thinly disguised by the short miniskirts and stilettos, fancy cell phones, and catchy pop tunes.

Korea in the present has been compared to America in the 1950’s. Men are still the breadwinners who can reprimand their wives like Ricky Ricardo, women still the submissive types who refrain from cursing and discussing “heavy” topics. A woman’s primary goal in her 20’s is to be married by the end of it. Maybe 2 or 3 long relationships under the belt before walking down that aisle–that’s it. It has even been said that Koreans don’t marry for love but for the mere sake of fulfilling a social obligation for the benefit of their families. I am not sure if this is true, but judging by how dry and stoic Korean weddings are reputed to be, I’m inclined to believe it.

And it’s obvious that Korean society is sexually repressive. How else can one explain the “save it for marriage” attitude of many Korean women and the proliferation of brothels, under the form of barbershops, massage parlors, “business” bars, and noraebang (karoake in Japanese) establishments? And these places are everywhere man; you’re never more than a stone’s throw from paid sex.

From what I’ve been told, dating a “traditional” Korean girl involves patience, more patience, and the carnal restraint of a monk. A guy should expect absolutely no physical contact with her (this may even include hugs) for a lengthy period of time. A kiss will typically signify the beginning of a relationship, rather than the mere beginning of communication as in the West. After that, sexual progress will vary, but will take much time in any case. At this point, our Korean counterpart and his girlfriend may start wearing matching T-shirts and sweaters. And doing cute shit like buying teddy bears and candy. But besides holding hands, absolutely no P.D.A! That may actually not be such a bad thing, as I don’t particularly favor public displays of affection, either. But I digress…

And then its to the wedding hall so that Mom will think she’s one step closer to having several male grandchildren. And then soon after, (in some cases) its to the “barbershop” to get fucked massaged. He’s been going there for years, of course, but it’s been a while. Because I’ve also heard that marital sex in Korea isn’t frequent.

Now I know I’m being very cynical, and that’s actually out of character for me. I consider myself a very optimistic person, usually. But what I described to you isn’t a joke. It’s what I am reiterating from traditional Korean women themselves as well as Western women who have been in the dating game here for years. And from what I understand, the main difference between a “traditional” and “non-traditional” Korean woman is that the latter is more physical than the former. But it seems that both scurry to look for husbands at a relatively early age and are shy and submissive. Oh, lest I forget, there’s the xenophobic Koreans that would never date a foreigner. And then there’s the xenophobic Koreans that would never date a dark foreigner…. sometimes I need to remind myself that as a 22 year old man from the U.S, I voluntary chose to live here. I am rather disappointed by what I’ve seen and experienced (romantically) thus far in South Korea.

And don’t get it twisted, it’s equally as dismal, or more so, for Western women out here. I will quote my Korean dating veteran friend directly when she said, “It’s easy to have a one-night stand with a Korean man, extremely difficult to start a relationship with one.” Turns out that even Korean men can’t resist the temptation of open legs. But from what I observed, the game is hard for foreign women too. And it seems like they have to do all the work, since many Korean men are just so pussy shy about getting theirs. I have two friends who’ve given their numbers to men who were interested in them, with positive body language to accompany it, and they still had to make the initial contact. I mean, jeez…who out there can translate The Extraordinary G into Korean?

So now the next question, “Tyrique, forget the Koreans, why don’t you stick to fellow foreigners?” In short, they’re even weaker. I’ve found most of the foreign women I’ve met to be quite unattractive, and the guys are a ramshackle bunch of creeps and creepers. The single best dating advice that I’ve received here is to meet Korean women in “Western-style” bars, because they’ll typically be more open-minded than usual. And from the half-hour I spent in one of these establishments, I found that to be true. But the joint was teeming with creeps and creepers. Dudes like Quagmire from Family Guy and that random old dude that keeps going after Chris. Mixed in with a few fuglies, overall losers, and plain Johns, and there you go. What explains the abundance of creeps and creepers here? Well, a heavy interest in Asia is still strange and unconventional in the eyes of many Westerners, and therefore, people who have a desire to live here are a little strange and unconventional. It can be said that I am too.

From a historical perspective, I personally believe that this phenomenon also stems from the historical Orientalist view of Asian women as submissive, exotic, and desperate to go up the social ladder by dating any man of white skin. If that’s the case, they’re in the wrong Asian country, because while white skin alone may yield more results in the dating game, Korean women are usually still looked down upon for dating any kind of foreigner. And honestly, it seems that the best-looking Korean women reserve themselves for Koreans. But that’s Orientalism at work, Korean women dating plain-ass foreign men simply because of their perceived social status, and foreign men dating plain-ass Korean women simply due to their “yellow fetish”. I saw it at my alma mater, and I see it now. Some guys with no social skills or lives believe that Asian women will eat it up nonetheless, and unfortunately I’ve seen that to be more true than false.

Of course I can only speak from my experience in a small Korean city. I do not live in Seoul, so I have no clue how cosmopolitan Koreans act. Again, I DO NOT LIVE IN SEOUL. So please stop asking me how I’m doing in Seoul, because I DO NOT LIVE IN SEOUL!!! Teaching job in South Korea ≠ Teaching job in Seoul, for the record. I live in a pleasant yet bustling country-ass city named 구미 (or Gumi in Engish). It’s definitely urban, but without the sophistication of larger Korean cities. I like this place, but I’m nowhere near a “Gumiphile” like many foreigners who live here. I am quite critical of its limitations, including dating.

Again, don’t get it twisted, I’m not ignorant. I’m not one of those foreigners in Korea who doesn’t partake in the culture and remains in a bubble with other non-Koreans. I have several Korean friends and am learning the language at a fast rate. I am quite fond of Korean food and would much rather (except for in Daegu or Seoul) hang out at a local Korean hangout spot than the bullshit they pass off as “Western-style”. I am simply critiquing the dating scene here from what I’ve experienced, observed, and heard. And actually, the baffling what-the-fuck-ness of the Korean dating scene is, in some ways, a refreshing change from this ego-deflating, straight Darwinist “survival of the fittest” game that is modern dating for men in America. So I am not dissing Korean people, I’m just telling it how I see it.

Confucius has been successfully cock-blocking foreigners since the end of the Korean War. So the title of this post is “???”, because I don’t know what the hell to do…

tyrique

 

The Lovefool

Infatuate
(verb)
- to arouse unreasoning love or passion in and cause to behave in an irrational way;

Latin root: fatua – stupid

The implication? Love makes us act stupid. I guess this is a fact. I think everyone who has claimed to be in love has done something foolish because of the other person. This even applies to some those who haven’t been in love. Emotions make us vulnerable and distract our thoughts. Once that line seems to be crossed it alters your perspective. At the same time, it’s a wonderful thing. It’s just a great feeling and you also feel important knowing someone feels the same way for you. We all long for a connection with someone (that’s part of the point of this blog). With this analysis of the concept, the question occurs to me: “Has Ray Adams every been in love?” My honest answer is… I hope not. If I was indeed in love in the two situations the statement was uttered I have little hope for the my future to romances judging from how they ended. Basicly, if that was love, I’m screwed.

The first was the first.

My ex girlfriend. The girl that I broke Tyrique’s cardinal rule with and settled for. I settled for the simple reason that she was pretty much the first girl to show active interest in me. After 4 years of high school with no play at all, no, not even a kiss, I decided to go with “good enough” (or so I thought she was). Going into it, we both knew I was settling but reluctantly, I went along, believing that maybe I couldn’t get better. After I committed to it I decided to make the best of it. It was like an experiment. I never had a girlfriend before so I tried to fit the mold of what I thought a boyfriend should be, even if the girl I was with was far from ideal. I admit, in retrospect I wasn’t the best boyfriend but I did a lot of good. It took me even longer to realize how bad of a girlfriend she was. That’s why the word was uttered. I indicated it in a poem but she was the first to say the phrase. It was like the flood gates opened.

A line by the rapper Andrè 3000 described me well: “Could be an organ donor the way I give up my heart”. After that I was in. She was my first everything, I was her first a lot of things. Then after 10 months she ended it with no real reason. I was hurt and kind of insulted. The girl I settled for broke up with ME? “Wasn’t this your idea? Now I’m down and you want to end it?” In the two years of college following we were on and off messing around but never back together. I believed it was love that kept us coming back to each other. Now, I don’t know. I’m inclined to think it was just the effect of finally having someone who wanted to be with me after not having anyone my who life and the subsequent connection and comfort. Senior year, I severed ties all together. The smartest thing I did in the situation (should have been the first thing). I still haven’t had another girlfriend. I ‘m in my early 20’s and I’ve had one girlfriend that I pretty much regret. Verdict: It wasn’t love, it was pre-swag ignorance and lack of confidence.

The next was… well… ummm
She was a friend of a few years. I had always been attracted to her but had put thoughts of anything more out of my head long ago. I was aware of a crush she had on me in the past. However, I figured it had long faded. She had pretty recently broken up with her boyfriend, who she had been dating for a years.It was to my great surprise when she began to show a very active interest in me during her vulnerable, post relationship state. I resisted, not wanting to risk damaging the friendship or risk an awkward future. Alas, I was vulnerable too, more than either of us had realized at the time. My physical attraction to her hadn’t faded at all either. I yielded to her temptation and it was amazing. The best sex either of us had ever had. It was what I always wanted sex to be. (if you don’t understand you haven’t had it) Neither of us had experienced being so physically in-tuned with another person. We became totally lost in each other as it became a regular activity. And then, it happened, she said it. The flood gates opened and I began to drown. I started to let her in, more than every girl since my ex. We even set a convenient day that was a good distance from our birthdays and gift giving holidays to begin dating. I started to revert to some pre- swag mistakes I made with my ex. I was so thrown off. It happened so fast I don’t think we got a chance to really see each other. And just as fast. It was over. She woke up, literally. As one sun rose the feeling dawned on her that it was wrong. She wasn’t being fair to her ex who she wasn’t yet over. As soon as see woke up out of our daze I did too. But I remained in denial, not wanting to believe that my feelings can change so abruptly. She stopped responding to my attempts to contact her and that was that. And again it struck me to say “Wasn’t this you’re idea and you want to end it?” But I digress. Unlike my ex girlfriend I don’t regret this, I did regret the damage to our friendship but steps are being taken to repair that. I don’t regret this because I have never learned more from a situation than I have from this one. Not only did I learn that there are girls out there that can match me in bed but I also learned just how confused and fickle emotions can get. We actually believed we were in love.
The Verdict: it wasn’t love, it was emotional vulnerability and and extreme passionate connection with a lot of subconscious denial. We were both a mess and neither of us was in the right enough mind to see it until it was too late.

I guess it doesn’t take love to do foolish things. I guess if I get to experience the real thing, I’ll be the dumbest guy on Earth, or it will be the first time things make sense.

IDWBP,

-Ray

 

“How many people have you slept with?”

Thoughts from Ensō

Lisa, my friend, was telling me about a guy she discarded because he’d only been with one girl.  ”Has he been gay his whole life and his living his hetero fantasy through me or is he just that inept and inexperienced?”  I tried to stick up for the guy.  ”Maybe,” I said, “he’s had one girlfriend for a long time.”  ”Whatever,” she snorted, “if you’re right, let him get over his college sweetheart on someone else’s time.”

I apologize for the cliché, but this is a question where curiosity often kills the cat: “How many people have you slept with?”

And the answer should always be a tactful variant of, “none of your business.”

Are you asking because it’d really make a difference where your notch is on the bedpost?  Or are you asking because there really is a “right” number and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were it?

I’d been dating Yesenia for three weeks and we still weren’t sexually engaged.  ”Why wait so long?” I remember asking.  ”You’re special,” she’d told me,  ”and I don’t want to rush… you.”  That, I could respect.  But one evening I’d fucked myself over. I’d asked her the question and she’d warned me it’d be a number I wouldn’t be pleased with.  And like a fool, I persisted.  She sighed and mumbled it.  ”Thirty.”  I’d almost crashed the car in disbelief and demanded to hear it again so I could be sure my ears weren’t deceiving me.  ”30.”  Ah! I had to hear it again!  And then I became irritated.  ”How did all these other guys get it in so quick and I’m the one that has to wait!”  But I knew, even before she answered, that no answer would be the right one.  There was no way of justifying; what was done was done.  A few days later, I did end up becoming number thirty one, but begrudgingly.  And for the little time we dated after that I admit  her appeal and charm had henceforth been tarnished by that little bite of knowledge…

So, yes, I’m guilty of this faux pas so I can understand those that insist upon asking.  But, experience (like always becoming pissed) dictates it’s never a wise choice.

The time and place where it’s appropriate to pop the question, of course, depends upon your relationship.  But let it be known that it should never be in the beginning stages, on the first few dates, and NEVER after you’ve just made love.  Don’t think of yourself as a plus-1.  Just be grateful you were invited to the party.

 

Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell,

Ensō

 

Part 2: You know you’ve improved your swagger when…

…you’re making fewer and fewer platonic friends.

Let me rephrase: you’re making fewer and fewer platonic friends whom you are attracted to.

When I used to hear dudes say things like “There’s no dude out there who just wants to be friends with a chick; we just try to get it in”, I never knew what they were talking about. I had plenty of female buddies, including chicks I was extremely attracted to at the time. At one point, the vast majority of my friends were attractive girls, and they were great to talk to and hang out with. But, alas, that was just a characteristic of pre-G Tyrique.

For the record, I disagree with the notion that guys can’t make lasting friendships with women. But from my personal experience, it happens less frequently when you’re in active pursuit of women. It just does. If I meet a girl I’m attracted to, I typically could care less about a future friendship. Instead, my end goal is to date her, or in certain situations, to “bag” for the night. I guess my revelation is obvious–as I market myself as the more-than-just-a-friend type, fewer girls treat me as just a friend. Now it’s all or nothing; I end up being more than a friend (either just for the night or for a few dates), OR shit falls through and she’s not in my life at all.

Now of course I still make platonic friends. I’m not attracted to every girl, and not every girl is available. And you don’t always have to pursue an attractive women just for the sake of pursuing. I love platonic friendships. They’re crucial for the success of any extraordinary G. When you need romantic advice, your “girlfriend” is actually able to put herself in the shoes of the girl you’re pursuing, and such insight is oftentimes invaluable. And when you two hang out, you (should) conduct yourself in a similar manner as you would with a girl you’re courting, and that’s always good practice. And besides, what makes you an extraordinary G is that you love women, period.

Still, I bet it’s no coincidence that the majority of my platonic friendships were made before I had swag.

Outside of the friend zone,

tyrique

 

I ain’t mad at cha…

So a few months ago, I was at a bar with some of my female friends and acquaintances. One girl, a foreign exchange student from Colombia who was a friend of a friend, kinda caught my eye. We met earlier that day during dinner, and she was cute and very personable. My boy “Rizzy” who struck a long convo with her during dinner– and thus was most likely to talk to her and succeed–didn’t accompany us to the bar. That meant the coast was clear and I was in no danger of cockblocking. And to follow up on Ray Adams’s poker analogy (but using 5-card poker), I had maaaybe a pair of 10’s.  Whatev, might as well not fold. We talked, got to know each other a little bit, danced a little bit. As I said, she was real personable, so she seemed open. But my time to shine went something like this:

Tyrique: Hey, can I have your number? We should hang out sometime.

Colombiana: Ok, we can hang out…as friends, right? Here’s my number: 555-xxx-xxxx!

I call this the shut-down in advance.

But could I really be salty about the situation? Instead of acting awkward, rejecting my request, or potentially leading me on, she flat out said that she only wants to be friends. No bullshit, no confusion. “Might as well get your mind out the gutter, dude, b/c it ain’t even like that.” I’m assuming blatant honesty is just the status-quo in Latin America, because I don’t know any American girl that would stop you right in your tracks in such a direct, non-confrontational way that doesn’t deflate your ego at all.

Or rather, shouldn’t deflate your ego, if you’re secure enough to handle a woman’s gentle rejection. No matter how strong your “game” is or how much you think you have to offer, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Not everyone wants you, just like you don’t necessarily want everybody who comes your way. As Ray Adams said, you have to know when to fold, but you also have to know when you lose all your chips and the dealer is asking you to leave the table. Cause ya time is up like Flava Flav, baby. Give back her clock.

At that moment she gained my respect. Before even trying to G, I knew where we stood. I left the situation with my ego intact, certain that I could potentially establish a great friendship with her. =)

But…………fuck that shit!! hahahaha

Keeping it movin’,

tyrique

 

The Insensitive

This is one of the most beautiful and tragic, artistic and scary songs ever written. I’ve known it for a good amount of my life but in recent years it has painted a picture of a scene I’m afraid to one day live out. The father of Bossa Nova (one of my favorite musical genres) Antonio Carlos “Tom” Jobim, wrote this song. Of course, it was in Portuguese so I will have to use the translated lyrics to make my point.

Insensatez – Jobim

[How insensitive
I must have seemed
When she told me that she loved me
How unnerved and cold
I must have seemed
When she told me so sincerely
Why she must have asked
Did I just turn and stare in icy silence
What was I to say?
What can you say
When a love affair is over?

Why she must have asked
Did I just turn and stare in icy silence

What was I to say?
What can you say
When a love affair is over?

So now she's gone away
And I'm alone
With a memory of her last look
Vague and drawn and sad
I see it still
All the heartbreak in her last look
How she must have asked,
Could I just turn and stare in icy silence
What was I to do?
What can one do
When a love affair is over?]

Some say just lie if you’re put in this position, but I’m too real to do that. So for me this song is terrifying. I can’t imagine how I would feel if a girl was spilling out her emotions to me and I was nowhere near feeling the same way, totally cold and distant with no relation to her sentiments. This fear has had a pretty significant and I think rational effect on my actions far as women are concerned.

For reasons I am yet to fully understand, people really like me. It’s not uncommon that I am surprised by the affect I have on people. On the same token, females seem to like me sometimes for reasons I can’t see and there have been a couple of times in my past where girls have gotten really into me. Just knowing that they felt a little stronger about me than I did, put me in an awkward position.

I hate hurting people. Nothing brings me more shame or makes me harder on myself than if I cause someone physical or emotional pain. In most cases I still haven’t forgiven myself long after the hurt party has forgiven me. Just the thought of how devastating this situation would be for the girl involved makes me want to avoid it like the plague!

Because of this fear I have developed perhaps the only or at least biggest flaw in my G; I hesitate or just don’t try sometimes. Not because I’m shy or because I have any type of reservations addressing people I don’t know, but simply because I don’t want someone I approach to get too into me.

I can’t tell what’s going to happen when I start talking to someone but my common decency makes me committed to dealing with the situation even after I know I’ve lost interest or I don’t see things going any further. I feel as if every opportunity I have to talk to someone runs the risk of getting into another awkward situation. The other factor that affects this is the flaw is that I generally don’t know what I want. Of course I would hesitate to engage in actions that could initiate a situation where my goals are ambiguous. It’s totally unfair for the other person involved, who may have a better idea of what they want. However, I don’t always hesitate, and when I do hesitate it’s only temporary. (Sometimes, it’s just long enough for someone else to get the jump. I never care too much when that happens.). The reason for me making a move anyway is the fact that I know that I do want something.

When I think about it, I guess it all depends on the person when it comes to what I want. Unfortunately, I can’t tell that by appearance. I think deep down I desire the full relationship with the whole nine, but with who? I just cringe at the thought starting a situation with someone thinking that it could end up in a relationship but then coming to a point where I’m the only one who sees it won’t work. I don’t want to start something potentially serious just to reject it later, with a girl totally wanting everything with me. I hesitate and hold back because I’m afraid that I’m starting just another situation with someone who won’t work with me, another situation where I end up hurting someone. I’m afraid of just “How Insensitive” I could be setting myself up to be.

There really is no solution to this that I can see. I just have to deal with everything as it comes and try to make all the right moves. As much as I love that song I don’t ever want to relate to it. I hope everything will work out. Until it does I’ll just continue to working on being an Extraordinary G.

IDWBP,
Ray

 

The Tipping Point

Thoughts From Ensō

I’m an adventurous guy that prefers novelty in dating and the luxury to think for one.  But I’m willing, for the right woman, to order sushi for two…  She has a cultured mind and loves discussing the Romantics and eastern philosophies and would love a ride around the city on the back of my motorcycle.  The two of us are continually brimming with exciting things to share, every date is fun and original, and most importantly, mutual consideration and individual choices are still respected.  Let me repeat that: Individual choices are still respected.  If she wants to go out with the girls, cool!  If Iwant to cut my hair a certain way, whatever!  If either of us just want to be, no problem babe!  It’s this fantastic period where we seem to be in complete understanding of each other and where all our immediate fantasies and innate expectations seem fulfilled.  It is now when other couples’ drama seem humorous not painfully familiar and  I consider myself a lucky man. 

And I’m not a naive little boy that believes her to be the one.  Everytime.  Nor am I a cynic suspecting that things are going too well.  Everytime.  But even this middle path approach to dating isn’t invulnerable to influence from either side.  Because equilibrium is a state which takes constant and kinetic effort it’s inevitable that the relationship will tip one way or the other…

So it happens.  The Tipping Point.  The ounce of seeming insignificance which threatens to sway the scales.  The Tipping Point is characterized by being subtle in the moment but glaringly evident in retrospect.  

Here are some classic Tipping Point moments:

***

Man: I miss you.

***

Woman: That place, again?

Man: Oh, somewhere else then?

Woman: No, no, it’s fine.

***

Man: I’m sorry.  I thought you’d be cool with that.

***

Woman: I was going to go out with the girls but I just couldn’t stand another night without you.

***

Man: You’re amazing

***

Woman: I don’t mind you drinking that much, but if you’re planning on doing that again let me know and I’ll make my own plans.

***

Man: I’m not saying you’re wrong but…

***

Woman: That was the best I’ve ever had.

***

Man: Are you mad?

Woman: …no

 These are presented as capriciously as they happen.  But whether the scenario holds a negative or positive consequence, the influence of the words and their implications can and will start to tip things, whether you know it or not.  But, it has to happen.  Can you imagine if a relationship was truly drama free?  What an artificially sweetend can of Diet Coke that would be!  I personally can’t stand a woman who represses her most explosive emotions and has eyes as sterile as her bleached blonde hair.  What soccer mom suburb is this?  I personally like my attitude laden with wit and a side of sass.  But no crazy, swirly nail patterns, please.  If not a French manicure, a solid plain is fine.  But I digress…

I seldom see the Tipping Point in action but I feel a change in dynamic after its affect.  And she must, too.  And now it’s as if we’re no longer together because we simply want to be, rather it’s an overwhelming cocktail of obligation, insecurity, and clouded judgement.  I’ve dated whom I thought was the perfect woman for me but even she elicited much uncertainty after the Point.  I became scared.  Then after reassuring from friends I became excited.  Then the high wore off and I became resentful, upset, then after the make-up sex I once again felt optimistic and excited.  But then the high wore off…  Namely, it was uncertainty I felt; I was on a well-worn path in a foggy wood where I had only a flickering latern to guide me.

But the path always led to a fork.  We’ll call the roads This and That. 

This represents the free will and individualistic thinking that’s essential for self-actualization; when you can imagine and act whenever you’d like, when your pursuits of life can be indulgently idealistic.  Companionship tends to be transient as even people are synonymous with specific phases in your quest through life.

That represents the need for stability.  Isn’t it essential for life, after all?  And similarly That is a desire to be loved that’s inherent in all of us.  You seek companionship and sacrifice frivolity for the foundations of a sustainable future.  Friends?  Shared.  Family?  Soon.      

It sounds extreme because it eventually will be, as a tipping point suggests.  I’m in my early twenties and thought all my age-akin friends would be with me clinking pints to freedom in the name of This.  But I woke up one day and found myself trying to convince my friends to leave That alone for one fucking evening and come and check This out with me instead.  The side which is given even an ounce more prominence will indeed tip that way so that it will eventually become clear which side you are partial to.  That being said, is equilibrium between This and That possible in the long-term?  Or do we all have only a limited time to choose between just This and just That?

 

To Equilibrium,

Ensō

 

Good read from a fellow blogger

http://blogsfromlastnight.blogspot.com/2009/07/my-wisest-pledge-sister-blogs-they-say.html

Interesting read. Pretty brief. I’m inclined to agree with her POV…

-Tyrique

 

What happens to a G deferred?

Apparently this shit….

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/26/magazine/26FOB-2DLove-t.html

The other day, while trying to formulate new topics for my future posts, I stumbled upon this article by the New York Times. It’s an inside look on an emerging “2-D” subculture in Japan where men find love in the form of body pillows with popular X-rated manga characters on the pillowcases. These men are so fed up with their failures in romance that they now rely on an inaminate object to console them. I implore everybody to read this article. I found it interesting, tragic, and disturbing. Some quotes from the article that really stood out (for better or worse) include:

“He treats her [bodypillow] the way any decent man would treat a girlfriend — he takes her out on the weekends to sing karaoke or take purikura, photo-booth pictures imprinted on a sheet of tiny stickers.”

“Nemutan [anime character on bodypillow] is 10, maybe 12 years old and wears a little blue bikini and gold ribbons in her hair.”

“According to a government survey, more than a quarter of men and women between the ages of 30 and 34 are virgins; 50 percent of men and women in Japan do not have friends of the opposite sex.”

“She’s fully clothed in the cartoon, but in Momo’s imagination and thus on his pillow cover, she appears naked, her cheeks flushed, her prepubescent nipples hidden by her forearms, her white panties rolled down to her ankles.”

“Pure love is completely gone in the real world,” Honda wrote. “As long as you train your imagination, a 2-D relationship is much more passionate than a 3-D one.”

No words.

Wow.

On the surface this is just another “strange” Japanese novelty that Western media loves to hype up. But this says a whole lot about the sad state many Japanese men are in. Repressed by strict gender roles in their society, these men (50% of them, according to stats) do not have the opportunity to cultivate fruitful relationships with females. This has led to an entirely too large population of adult virgins who find themselves inept at attracting the opposite sex. So they create a fantasy world where their emotional needs are met and will never go away. The most disturbing aspect of this story is the apparent sexualization of child anime characters–but I wouldn’t dismiss these guys as 2-D pedophiles necessarily. I think this simply indicates an extreme, extreme innocence that these grown men retain as a result of very limited experience (of any kind) with the opposite sex.

Hopefully this 2-D love doesn’t spread elsewhere. But men like this can be found everywhere. There are men (and women too) out there who decide to give up on the idea of finding love altogether, and seek other ways to fill this emotional void. If not through bodypillows, it’s through hired prostitutes, or strippers, or phone sex operators. Not that I’m against any of these so-called vices, but they should be used to supplement a healthy appetite for romance, not replace it.  Sure, it’s human interaction, but at the end of the day, they’re just selling a product, and you’re just another consumer. You can buy sex, but you can’t buy love.

Don’t give up like these people. Giving up on romance is the ultimate yield to your insecurities, low self-esteem, and pessimistic outlook on life. Just like how some give up on achieving in life due to past failures, lack of education, or the perceived notion that they (or their kind) just can’t overcome certain obstacles or get past a certain point in life. In both cases, you’re held down only by the limitations you set upon yourself. And dying a slow, internal death.

-Tyrique

 

The (Poker) Player

(disclaimer: appologies to thoese who don’t know how to play poker, this blog is mildly esoteric)

“The game”, “The player”; why is it that we use these terms to describe the earliest stages of the mechanism we know as romantic relations? Why is it that we liken our behaviours that can eventually lead to procreation and the continution of society to something as trivial as a game? This is an attempt to understand the rational.

Lets evaluate the anotomy of a game and see how it applies to the early stages of relations. Many games have a basic element of chance. This is an obvious comparison so I will begin here. We have almost no control over when and where we will meet people, what position we will be in or what position the person of intrest will be in. It’s totally up to chance. This is compairable to Texas Hold’em, where you don’t know what cards you are going to get or what’s going to come up on the table. Next, most games test stratagy and/ or skill. Attraction has a good amout of both. For one, there has to be social skills. Especially if a beautiful stranger has been sighted in your vicinity. You have to have the social skill to grab their attention and hold a conversation while not being weird about it. Like all games, you improve at this skill through practice. With this comes strategy, even if you have the social capacity to start a conversation out of thin air with someone who has simply caught your eye, you have to know how to use it. There is no real guide to this, everyone (and therefore every situation) is different to some extent. You have to feel out every situation and asscess what moves need to be made. At the same time you have to gauge how much to invest in the situation as things progress. Also sometimes you have to know when to just give it up and move on. Kenny Rogers said it best: “you got to know when to hold em and know when to fold em.” If your cards don’t work with what’s on the table you can keep checking and betting, hoping that somthing good will come up. But if you don’t have a hand just fold and wait for the next deal. Hopefully you didn’t waste to much money (time) waiting for the game to go your way. The more you invest, the more you can lose.

Next, there is competition. Obviuosly, there is always that aspect. The person who caught your eye is sure to have caught the eye of others around. Many may take their chances, and how successful they are just depends on what they have, how they use it and how it works with the party of interest. Unless you know your competition, you have no idea what you’re working against. With poker you have to know how to read your opponents, understand their game, see what they might be holding. Even if you have a weak hand, sometimes just playing it right against opponents can mean success.
Finally, the defining factor of the comparaison is very simply, fun. Yes, the thrill of the chase. Meeting new people, developing social skills and just “bagging” is fun… poker is fun, simple and plain.

As always, I will put my concept into practice:

The deal
Your at a club/ lounge, (easiest place for this explaination) you notice someone at the bar who is REALLY attractive to you. You approach.
Now, you’re in some of your flyest threads and have an ice breaking line in your head. You’re fairly confident in the cards yours holding. Lets say it’s Ace, 10- clubs and dimonds.

The flop
You the line drop is and she’s mildly responsive. A conversation starts but is moving kinda slowly. [You see a 5 and a pair of 2's on the table, not a sure winner but you got something.]

The turn
The conversation progresses but no new ground seems to be covered. [ Just a 6, no bigger hand than the initial pair is there yet, but still you got something.]

Next thing you know the bartender interupts your conversation by handing your subject a drink and pointing out the individual down the bar (that’s slighly hotter than you) that bought the drink.

[OH SHIT! Someone else is at the table and they raised you!]

So you call by buying yourself the same drink she has and getting her another round. Then you decide to raise by trying out the dancefloor with your hesitant partner for the monent.

The river
So you’re dancing is ok. Nothing amazing, but your keeping up rhythm. Your dance partner seems to he having fun but is not showing a huge amount if intrest. [The last card has been flipped, a 4, you got nothing more than that first pair.] But what the hell, you have already gone this far and invested this much, you might as well. You know you got something going.
But behold, your competition is dancing solo with some impressive moves and is closing in on your dance partner. [Call and raise.]

At this point you realize that you have no hand comparied to your competiton and they must have a serious hand to raise this much. Time to fold. You can’t win them all but it’s part of how the game is played. Do not worry though, stay in the game long enough and play your cards right. The next thing you know, you’ll find the right person and end up with a full house.

IDWBP,
Ray